How To Boost Your Self Esteem
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Contents
Offspring’s “Self-Esteem”..........................................................................................................................8
The Band Offspring’s Song On Self Esteem..........................................................................................11
Self-Esteem Seminars ..............................................................................................................................13
How Self Esteem Workshops And Seminars Can Help You.................................................................16
Building Self-Confidence And Self-Esteem Is My Key To Success! ...................................................18
Developing Self Esteem During Childhood............................................................................................20
Some Tips For Building A Child’s Self Esteem .....................................................................................22
Building The Confidence And Self Esteem Of Your Teenager.............................................................24
Learn About Building High Self-Esteem.................................................................................................26
Building Confidence And Self Esteem....................................................................................................28
Activities In Building Self-Esteem In Children.......................................................................................30
Building Self-Esteem In The Eyes Of A Kid............................................................................................32
Building Self Esteem In Children ............................................................................................................34
Building Self Esteem Among Teens .......................................................................................................36
Help Build Your Partners Self Esteem ....................................................................................................38
Developing Self Esteem ...........................................................................................................................40
Self Esteem Determines Who We Are.....................................................................................................42
Your Self Esteem In Clothing...................................................................................................................44
Building Self Esteem ................................................................................................................................46
Developing Self Esteem In Our Children................................................................................................48
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Offspring’s “Self-Esteem”
The album “Smash” is considered to be The Offspring’s break-out record. It was what really
catapulted the band to fame. The said album was released in 1994 by Epitaph Records and has
sold eight million copies which also made it the highest-selling record ever produced by an
independent label.
Incidentally Epitaph Records is also owned by Bad Religion guitarist Brett Gurewitz. He initially
had his misgivings about the band but when he heard their single “Baghdad” produced in 1991,
he changed his mind and signed them up. The following year, they released the album “Ignition”
and its success has put them on tour together with No Doubt, Pennywise and Voodoo Glow
Skulls.
By 1993, they returned to the studio to record “Smash” and released it the following year with
little knowledge that this was going to create a niche for them. The album was catapulted to
fame by the singles “Self-Esteem”, “Gotta Get Away” and “Come Out And Play”.
The band is composed of Bryan “Dexter” Holland on vocals, Greg Kriesel or Greg K on bass
guitar, Kevin Wasserman , also called “Noodle” on lead guitar and Atom Willard on drums. Prior
to joining the band, Kevin Wasserman was the school janitor recruited by Dexter Holland and
Greg Krieser reportedly because he was old enough to procure alcohol for them.
The Offspring’s “Self Esteem” is the second single released from Smash and speaks of being
trapped in an emotionally abusive relationship and having full knowledge that one is not getting
what one deserves, but is too weak to get out of it because of a very low self-esteem.
The lyrics of the song are as follows:
SELF-ESTEEM
(The Offspring)
I wrote her off for the tenth time today
And practice all the things I would say
But she came over
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I lost my nerve
I took her back and made her dessert
Now I know I’m being used
That’s okay man cause I like the abuse
I know she’s playing with me
That’s okay cause I got no self esteem
We make plans to go out at night
I wait till 2 then I turn out the light
All this rejection’s got me so low
If she keeps it up I just might tell her no
Chorus
When she’s saying that she wants only me
Then I wonder why she sleeps with my friends
When she’s saying that I’m like a disease
Then I wonder how much more I can spend
Well I guess I should speak up for myself
But I really think it’s better this way
The more you suffer
The more it shows you really care
Right? yeah yeah yeah
Now I’ll relate this little bit
That happens more than I’d like to admit
Late at night she knocks on my door
Drunk again and looking to score
Now I know I should say no
But that’s kind of hard when she’s ready to go
I may be dumb
But I’m not a dweeb
I’m just a sucker with no self esteem
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Chorus
When she’s saying that she wants only me
Then I wonder why she sleeps with my friends
When she’s saying that I’m like a disease
Then I wonder how much more I can spend
Well I guess I should speak up for myself
But I really think it’s better this way
The more you suffer
The more it shows you really care
Right? yeah yeah yeah
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The Band Offspring’s Song On Self Esteem
Any fan of rock music would be familiar with the band Offspring. The band’s album titled
SMASH was what gave them the first taste of true success, and it sold over eight million copies
around the world. Self Esteem was one of the tracks on this album, and as the name suggests,
it speaks of the importance of self esteem. To be precise, it speaks of the destruction that low
self esteem can cause in your life. Here is a little more about the song:
This song speaks about a man who is trapped in a relationship that is destructive to his own
self. The relationship is with a woman who he loves. It speaks of a woman that the man has
written off and wants to leave, but being an emotionally weaker person, he just cannot do it
when he is face to face with this woman. Rather, he spoils her when he sees her, thinking that
he may have been wrong about her all along. The man then goes on to say that later he is
confident that she is using him and he still doesn’t do a thing about it. He has begun to enjoy the
feeling of low self esteem. Although this man knows that the woman is just playing around with
his emotions he does not do a thing about it, because he himself has written himself off as a
person with low self esteem.
The singer then speaks of the man making plans to take his lady friend out in the evening. She
totally disregards his plans and does not care to even tell him that she doesn’t want to go out.
After waiting till the middle of the night, the man feels rejected and abused once again, and feels
that he may yet leave her if she keeps treating him this way. So we see a repetition of feelings
of rejection and abuse, and still no effort on the man’s part to help him self get out of this
destructive relationship.
We then are told that the woman lies to this man that she loves him, while she sleeps with his
friends every now and then. One can only imagine the destruction this piece of information can
cause to the poor man’s psyche. The man fools himself into believing that the more he suffers
the more his love for the woman is proved, and so he remains stuck in this vicious cycle of
abuse and forgiveness.
Yes this is only a song, but you would be surprised to see the number of people who are stuck
in such a cycle of events, and the popularity of the song is proof of the existence of this large
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number of people. This song well explains the state of mind of a weak person who is in an
abusive relationship with an emotionally stronger person. The truth is that no one can hurt you
unless you let them. Forgiveness is not wrong. But forgive for the right reason, not because you
are too weak to leave the other person – that is just insecurity and not the right motive for
forgiveness. Make sure your self esteem remains in tact, and you will never see such a situation
in your life.
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Self-Esteem Seminars
Self-esteem is the way in which a person views his or herself. A person with a healthy selfesteem has a positive outlook and believes in himself. A person who is lacking demonstrates
anger and negativity. In fact, many people have written about the symptoms of lack of selfesteem Two of these people are Gillian Butler and Tony Hope, authors of Managing Your Mind,
who listed the signs of low self-esteem as follows:
feelings of being unloved
overly dependent, inability to make decisions
extreme jealousy
excessive worry
fear of trying new activities (risk-taking)
perfectionism
inability to describe or even understand feelings
frustration
excessive anger
need to over achieve
poor school performance
highly critical of self and others
continuously in poor health
poor posture, slumping
inability to look people in the eye
drug, alcohol abuse, sexual promiscuity
eating disorders
self-mutilation
While it is important to develop self-esteem in childhood since a person is very impressionable
from the ages one to five, self-esteem can be developed at any time or age. One just has to be
patient and persevering. There are many ways to develop self-esteem. There are various
reading materials on this subject, one of the most famous is Chicken Soup for the Soul by Jack
Canfield. Incidentally, he also conducts self-esteem seminars.
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Self-esteem seminars could take anywhere from one to three days and these are wonderful
tools to help develop self-esteem. One can also opt to seek therapy. The key to developing selfesteem is first to recognize what you lack. Pinpoint areas that made you that way and let go.
Only with letting go can the process of healing and moving on can truly begin.
Most societal problems today are borne out of a lack in self-esteem. While the most successful
people first believed in themselves. Developing self-esteem can be a daunting task but with the
right tools and determination, any one of any age can become better individuals.
It would probably surprise a lot of people how a healthy self-esteem could turn their lives around
and provide for them success in whatever they choose to do.
Self-Assessment tests are available on the net, but for a thorough evaluation it would be best to
seek professional help. Tests on the net usually just give glimpses or ideas of one’s personality
strengths and weaknesses. On the other hand, it also lists some self-esteem seminars that one
can opt to attend. Some popular seminars include:
Jack canfield (author Chicken Soup for the Soul)
Self-Esteem Optimization Seminar www.optimalthinking.com/Selfesteem
National Association for Self-esteem (NASE)
Self-Hel Energy Workshop (Dr. Doris Jeanette)
While other reading materials include:
"Measures of Self-Esteem." Blascovich, Jim and Joseph Tomaka
“Measures of Personality and Social Psychological Attitudes” J.P. Robinson, P.R. Shaver, and
L.S. Wrightsman
“Two Dimensions of Self-Esteem: Reciprocal Effects of Positive Self-Worth and SelfDeprecation on Adolescent Problems." Owens, Timothy J.
"Accentuate the Positive - and the Negative: Rethinking the Use of Self-Esteem, Self-
“Deprecation, and Self-Confidence." Owens, Timothy J.
“Extending Self-Esteem Theory and Research” Owens, Timothy J.
“Society and the Adolescent Self-Image” Rosenberg, Morris
“Conceiving the Self” Rosenberg, Morris
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"Self-esteem: Clinical assessment and measurement validation." Silber, E. and Tippett, Jean
“Self-Esteem: Its Conceptualization and Measurement” Wells, L. Edward and Gerald Marwell
“The Self-Concept” Wylie, Ruth C.
Indeed, it is truly important to develop self-esteem and in this day and age, this can easily be
done. If you have the financial means, then you might want to consider taking seminars,
however, you can also learn through books and there are various publications. The possibility is
just endless and besides, it is never too late to be a better person.
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How Self Esteem Workshops And Seminars Can Help You
Self esteem basically deals with how a person thinks about his or her own self. It is the mental
self image that we have of our selves, and can play a huge part in your success or failure as
may be the case. A person with good self esteem thinks positively about them self, while the
person with a low self opinion is flooded with negative emotions. Gillian Butler and Tony Hope,
through their book titled Managing Your Mind, tell us a lot about the characteristics of low self
esteem. In fact they give us a list of synonyms that describe low self esteem.
*The feeling that no one loves you
*Too much dependence on others and an inability to make decisions independently
*Feelings of jealousy
*Too much worry
*Too much fear of trying new things in life
*Trying to be perfect all the time
*Difficulty in recognizing feelings in the self and in others
*Feelings of frustration
*Too much Anger
*A need to be better than others
*Poor performances at work or school
*Too critical of your self and of others
*Too much bad health
*A poor stance and posture
*Refraining from looking at people eye to eye
*Drug and Alcohol abuse
*Bad eating habits
*Feelings to hurt yourself
It is true that the best time to get a high self esteem is when you are a child, but that does not
mean you cannot help it once you are an adult. When you are a child you cannot control your
surroundings but when you are an adult you can do so, you are in control of your life. Attending
a self esteem seminar is one of the best options for adults looking to improve their self esteem.
These seminars normally last from one to three days and can do a lot for your self image.
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When you look at the most successful people in life you will understand how much a healthy self
esteem can do for you. The reverse is true as well – most of the problems faced by society
today can be traced back to low self images that people carry of them selves, which can turn
them to be destructive towards themselves and to others in the society as well. If you find your
own self in such a frame of mind, maybe you should consider attending a good self help
seminar. If you feel you do not have the time or the money to attend such seminars, that
shouldn’t stop your efforts to improve the self image. You could always opt for self help books
and articles and e-books on the net. After all, it is you who will benefit from this process, so don’t
give up easily. Don’t give up till you have a healthy self image and thereby a successful life.
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Building Self-Confidence And Self-Esteem Is My Key To Success!
In case, you are extremely discontented by what the common public would term as "a miserable
private life", then you should be aware that you have to ring in some changes in your personal
life. Certainly, "a miserable private life" can denote many things. But usually, it indicates that the
individual suffers from an absence of self-confidence plus his self-esteem has touched rock
bottom. Therefore, if you wish to introduce changes in your personal life and reverse your
present condition into being a thriving and contented person as you expect to be, you require to
pick up and concentrate on the below given suggestions.
Seven Easy Ways To Develop Self Esteem & Self Confidence
1. Improve your interpersonal skills
In case you are short on self-confidence and possess little self-esteem, you without doubt have
little or no social life. Now, this is due to the fact that you lack sufficient guts to interact with
other people.
In such a case, it is very important that you improve your interpersonal skills. But, how is this
achieved? Begin by becoming a member of a group and start to be more friendly and
approachable and believe in the people you meet. You can begin with a dear friend, whom you
can rely on and act on your social scene from this point. Alternatively, you can attend programs,
workshops, and seminars, which would enable you to develop your self-confidence as well as
boost your self-esteem. Diffidence and apprehension are your most awful adversaries if you
wish to be amicable with other persons; hence you must fight them tooth and nail.
2. Hone your communication abilities
Dearth of self-confidence as well as little self-esteem may be due to lack of or extremely poor
communication abilities. Now, what is required of you is that to understand how to carry on a
conversation. You need to meet and associate with a number of people. However, opt for
people you can count on. If you feel that nobody can be relied upon, begin with members of
your family or expert therapists.
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3. Learn to have an optimistic attitude in your life and yourself
Adopt a frame of mind that makes you really feel good with every passing day. This ensures
that you have a cheerful and positive outlook about life in general and yourself in particular. How
can this be done? Begin your day in good spirits and a happy smile. While it may sound clichéd,
beginning your morning on a happy note tends to make the remainder of the day enjoyable and
fun.
4. Never aspire for perfection
In case you seek perfection, you will just end up being discouraged and upset with yourself.
Nobody is perfect and that applies to you, too. Therefore, when you plan your objectives strive
for the very best but also acknowledge the probability of lapses.
5. Dump self-consciousness
Self-consciousness is the very reverse of self-confidence. Therefore, if you wish to develop selfconfidence, you need to dump your self-consciousness. In order to achieve this, you should not
think about the fear of embarrassment and censure. Rather, distract yourself by thinking of the
wonderful things that life brings. Speak to yourself and learn to be poised and assured in
whatever you do.
6. Never focus on your setbacks
This means that you require to be upbeat and hopeful. Do not worsen things by brooding over
all the depressing things that you have gone through. Concentrate on your accomplishments
instead.
7. Look after yourself
Eat healthy, obtain adequate sleep, and work out. Adhering to these three things would ensure
you feel good, both within and without. This is a sure-fire way to develop your self-confidence as
also enhance your self-esteem.
Once you have followed these steps, you will certainly notice the change in yourself. Before
long, you can pronounce that, "developing self-esteem and self-confidence is the secret to
success!"
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Developing Self Esteem During Childhood
The building of self-esteem starts in childhood. This means that as parents you have a
responsibility to help your son or daughter to have a healthy self-image of him or herself. A
healthy self-image is the cornerstone of good self-esteem.
How important is self-esteem in a child's development? Developing self-esteem during
childhood is very crucial. This is because it could affect the child in every stages of his or her
development. How he looks at him or herself will definitely affect his or her future relationships,
career development, confidence, prosperity and even happiness. Studies have shown that one
of the traits happy people share is having a positive self-image of themselves.
How does a parent that his or her child has a healthy self-image? There are several ways to do
this. Below are just some of the things you can do to develop your child's self-esteem.
Never compare your child with other children
The single most devastating thing a parent can do to ruin his or her child's self-esteem is to
compare him or her with other children. Unfortunately, comparisons are very much a part of our
culture particularly our schooling system. One of the ways a child gets compared to other
children is through peer pressure.
Every child knows that there is tremendous pressure from other children, particularly from the
ones in school to conform to the ways of a certain group. That is why in school you can see
several cliques and these groups can be identified with different labels. There are the jocks, the
jerks, the nerd or geek, the addict, the slut, etc. These groups are inherently not bad but
oftentimes group's identity precedes the individual's identity which could lead into a loss in
identity and eventually low self-esteem.
To most adults these are just groups and labels but for a young innocent child the cliques are
their world. Your child intentionally or not gets labeled and his or her tendency to is group with
the ones with similar ideas and interests.
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Always praise and encourage your children
When you talk to your child, always remember to use positive and encouraging words. If your
child has done something praiseworthy then do not hold back on the kind and beautiful words.
Doing so will do wonders for your kid's self esteem. It does not matter whether the act is big or
small. If he did something good then praise him for it. There is nothing more discouraging than
the feeling of not being appreciated for the things that you have done.
Praising and encouraging children provides them with a positive self image of themselves. For
them, it means that they are important enough for you to notice and recognize their
achievements in life.
By constantly giving kind encouraging words to children, you can ensure that they will grow
healthy psychologically.
Of course if they did something wrong, children should be reprimanded. But should do it in a
way that it won't hurt their ego and damage their esteem. Whenever they have done something
that is less than d desirable always make it clear to them that you are not in favor with the deed
and not with them.
Remember, developing your child's self-esteem is very important in his or her progress. Just
follow the guidelines to make sure that your kid will grow up mature emotionally and mentally.
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Some Tips For Building A Child’s Self Esteem
Parents are very powerful figures in the life of any child. First of all, they are responsible for
conceiving the child and for bringing that child into this world so everything that comes after
there will still be held somewhat responsible. The mother best of all has a special emotional
connection with her children while fathers are mostly the ones who deal with practical things in
raising children.
A perfect relationship between parents and children will be when the parents are role models of
providing love and support within the family while the children are obedient but to a certain
degree also independent in living their lives. In this world however there is no such thing as
perfect but this should not stop us from trying to build an ideal relationship.
There can always be a health compromise but the most important thing that parents should
remember is that the times when the children are still young is the only time they can make the
biggest impact. The children are innately obedient and loving towards their parents so it is up to
the parents to use this advantage in instilling good things to their children so they grow up to be
good and strong willed individuals.
One thing that parents can help a child build is their children’s self esteem. Parents should also
be aware that aside from being crucial to building a child’s self esteem, it is so easy to damage
their self esteem if parents do not deal with their children properly. Parents can contribute in
developing positive feelings of self worth in their children by helping them in a lot of aspects
including the social and academic factors. Let us look some tips that will help the parents out
there to build their children’s self esteem.
Constant and sincere appreciation will make your child feel special. Most parents tend to only
communicate with their children if they need something from them or if they need to correct
them in whatever they are doing. This is not a good practice. Parents should take the time to
talk to their children about good things that they have done.
Make sure that whatever you say is sincere and appropriate. Do not over praise because as in
anything else too much praising can bring out a negative result. When you really need to
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comment on something bad, do not be judgmental instead phrase your comment in a positive
form.
Your children may not be mature but they know when they are simply being corrected without
explanation. Offer a reason why they are being corrected or better yet work with your children to
arrive at a solution to make things better so such a situation will not happen again.
If you have children with learning disability, make sure that you very well understand the nature
of your children’s problem and vow to closely work with teachers and other important people to
make her environment friendly to her despite her disability. All these things are not full proof
shields against possible crushing of self esteem but it will help them deal with the harsh realities
of like with a perspective that they are tough and can meet challenges head on. They may fail
but they will get back on their feet faster than everyone else.
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Building The Confidence And Self Esteem Of Your Teenager
The teenage years are probably the most awkward years for your teenagers. When a child
reaches this age, he or she faces many new changes and challenges. It was much easier when
they were younger because parents have total control over their children but as babies grow up
to be teenagers along comes the development of the minds to think on their own.
Teenagers want to try new many things and they are ever more ready to meet challenges head
on but what scares most parents are the facts that not all new things are good and that not all
challenges are meant to be attacked head on. The parents though are careful to be interfering
because at this stage the teenagers want to prove themselves so they think that resisting their
parents is cool.
This is indeed a difficult situation but one sure way a parent can be of help to a teenager is to
help the teenager build his confidence and self esteem. A teenager with high self esteem and
has self confidence have an edge over those who are easily swayed by the crowd and who
cannot defend themselves from people who just wish to manipulate them into making the wrong
decisions or into doing things that are bad for them.
Parents should be able to teach their teenagers that people come in all shapes and sizes that
way they will be able to be more accepting of their physical attributes and would also be nonjudgmental of others. Encourage them to get into activities where the playing field is equal.
Sports is a great way to develop the social skills of your teenager and a chance to excel. A
teenager with good social skills would be able to handle all types of people and situations.
Excelling in anything can boost a teenager’s confidence and self esteem.
Teenagers should earn their self esteem because that way they will not give it up just like that.
Parents can support them in this endeavor by constantly giving well deserved and genuine
praise. While parents cannot be there all the way, they should always be ready to lend a hand
when their teenagers need a hand to hold on to. For sure there will be failures along the way but
a little failure is always a good sign. What is most important is to teach them resilience.
Parents are not meant to shield their children from pain and discomfort but rather for them to
make sure they will go through pain and discomfort and then come out fine. Make sure that it is
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clear that you will never abandon them no matter what. Give them the vote of confidence that
they can handle the situation because that is the only way to show respect to their
independence.
As much as parents want to be their number one cheer leaders in a loud way, the quiet belief in
your teenagers will make more impact. Reality bites, we all know that but always there is always
a room to go forward.
Hopefully all these things will guide parents in making life easier for both them and their
teenagers. No one says that this will be an easy ride but like in any case we can always find
ways to make things lighter for us and for everyone around us.
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Learn About Building High Self-Esteem
Self esteem is something that every person should have and the loss of it in a person spell
disaster. Just like anything that a person has to have, a person should work at building his or
her self esteem. Before one can do that, there is a need to know things about self esteem. Self
esteem is how a person perceives his or herself. There are various factors that a person should
have a positive attitude about including the value he or she gives to him or herself as a human
being, his or her career and his or her achievements in order to develop a high self esteem.
That is only for starters, one has to go deeper an see a positive meaning to one’s place in the
world and as well as one’s purpose in life. In looking at the future, there should be optimism
while evaluating one’s potential to be successful by working on one’s weaknesses and
highlighting the strengths. Last but certainly not the least a person has to have independence or
the capacity to stand on his or her own to feet because being independent is one good way to
start building a high self esteem.
Knowing all these things will help a great deal but there might also be other factors that you
want to add but this is a really good start already. You might get from the very long first
paragraph that building high self esteem is all about the individual and that is true because your
self worth is obviously based on how the individual sees his or himself.
However the people surrounding a person also has an impact on the self esteem of the
individual concerned especially the people with whom the person has a close relationship with.
This is the reason why there are a lot of cases of damaged self esteems that are somehow
related to emotional and physical battery as well as milder cases of heartbreaks for the
teenagers.
Getting back on your feet has a lot to do with getting that self esteem back after a shattering
experience. It does not matter if you work on building it slowly so long as you are focused at
getting your high self esteem back to where it belongs.
The importance of high self esteem is one thing that we cannot ignore because it is very crucial
as a cornerstone to a happy living. Having a high level of this aspect of yourself will make you
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highly motivated to work at achieving your goals will give you the right attitude to be successful
in whatever endeavor one chooses to take.
In fact in a CNN interview with Robert Wagner by the legend Larry King, he was quoted as
saying that “I would tell them the most important thing is to work on your self esteem that is the
best advice I can give.” Take it from someone who knows what he is talking about and to one
who walked the talk. So for those who have low self esteem, look within yourselves and
discover that there is so much about you that you can be proud of.
For those who are lucky enough to already be working on building high self esteem, keep up
with your good work and hopefully nothing will ever crush you should something very
challenging come your way.
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Building Confidence And Self Esteem
There are 2 major qualities that practically define a person and how far they will go in life. These
traits are confidence and self-esteem. Someone who lacks these two qualities will often fail to
succeed in life, and become what is called a "loser". No one wants to be a loser, but they do
exist in society today, just as they have existed for hundreds of years. People with low
confidence and self-esteem often have problems holding down a job, have little ambition or
drive, and are generally a drain upon society. Building a persons confidence and self-esteem
starts when they are very young, with their parents and home life.
Helping Your Child Succeed - Confidence and Self-Esteem Building
Everyone has challenges. How a person deals with those challenges stems from how they
learned to deal with problems when they were young. And learning to meet these challenges
head-on, and build confidence and self-esteem, starts when a person is young. Here are some
tips for parents to help build their child's confidence and self-esteem.
Acknowledge the Good
There is nothing worse for a child's confidence and self-esteem than coming home from school
with their shiny "A" or completed school project, and having a parent display no enthusiasm or
give no praise. If your child accomplishes something good, let them know! Frame that report
card, or medal, or whatever. Show that it means something, both to you and your child, when
they do something well. Not only will this build the child's confidence and self-esteem, but
looking at last semester's report card and remembering the praise, or the dinner out, or however
you rewarded your child, can give them the drive to do it again next semester.
Reinforce the Positive
A positive take on life on the parents part directly translates to their children’s' outlooks. A
parent who is pessimistic and acts beaten by life will instill those values as easily as a parent
with sunny outlooks, even in the face of life challenges, instill that in their children. The way a
child meets challenges has a direct impact on both their confidence and self-esteem.
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A parent shouldn't call out the negatives they see in everyone around them. They should be
thankful that their child and life is sound and healthy, without giving the child the impression that
they are "better" than a less fortunate child or family. A false sense of intrinsic worth based on
the misfortune of others can lead to low confidence and self-esteem later in life.
If the parents have given their child a task to do, and they complete it well, praise them! A
parent must be consistent, however, and be sure that you really mean it. Few things can hurt a
child's confidence and self-esteem like hearing their parent talking about how bad they
performed a task to another person, after the same parent gave the child praise for a task well
done. If a parent's child is not performing as well as they should be, don't criticize and be nasty
about the child's shortcomings. Rather, the parent try to explain how they could be doing better
in specific areas, while still pointing out the things the child is doing well. All this leads to greater
confidence, and thus, self-esteem.
Take an Active Role
A parent should always do their best to participate in their child's life. Parents, go to after-school
activities! Watch their performances! Cheer them on! A child who sees his parents don't care
about something will wonder both why he or she should care, and why his or her parents don't
care about them like the other kids parents do. This can be a major blow to a child's confidence,
self-esteem, and drive.
It all Comes Back to the Parents
If a parent gives their child the kind of attention and love discussed above, then their child will
be successful. High confidence and self-esteem are absolutely vital in preparing a child for the
future. Don't condemn them to a life of mediocrity and therapy sessions, get involved, show
support and love, and the rest will follow naturally.
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Activities In Building Self-Esteem In Children
When bringing up a child, one of the biggest concerns that face parents is their child's SelfConcept and Self-Esteem. Parents must try to find a balance when teaching their children how
to value themselves and their natural abilities; allowing them enough independence to grow and
learn to make their own decisions, whilst at the same time guiding them on the right path. This
gives them Self-Esteem.
Allowing your child too much freedom can make them rebellious as they get older, whilst if you
are overly strict this can lead them to losing their independence and self confidence; which may
lead to dependency on others. They may be not be able to face the big, wide world on their
own which is what any parent would wish to avoid - a child that is too clingy.
Anyone can develop Self-Esteem at any age but encouraging your child to learn from an early
age and praising their individual talents, will help to build their trust in their own decision making,
as they grow in confidence and learn to recognize their own natural gifts - a step towards
building their Self-Esteem.
The following are activities to help increase your child's Self-Esteem:
Self-Affirming Statements
Stand facing a mirror, telling yourself what a great person you are; this may seem childish, but
for a child, it is a great, fun way to boost their Self-Esteem as well as yours - try it! You don't
have to stick to the mirror process, but make up your own words of 'Self-Affirming Statements'.
Remember to stick to these basics and you should do fine.
Create mantras that a child can remember easily. Each morning, start by saying the mantra to
your child, and have them repeat it back to you so that it becomes their mantra. They do not
have to be statements about yourself, they could be about each other, such as, "I love you", or
statements about complimenting each other. The mantras can vary, as long as the essence is
on 'affirming oneself'.
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The Positive Trait Game
The Positive Trait Game is an activity that boosts Self-Esteem as well as helping to increase
your child's vocabulary. The game involves telling each other a Positive Trait that you can see
in the other, by using a word - only the key point of the game involves thinking of a word that
begins with a specific letter of the alphabet. The child learns by picking up new words that they
haven't come across and understanding their meaning for future use - that is to say they are
increasing their vocabulary.
This encourages your child to think positively about themselves; to acknowledge and recognize
their own unique traits and talents. They will grow up knowing where their strengths lie.
Engaging In Activities That Your Child Love
Involve your child in a variety of activities that will encourage their own talents and abilities. Be
open-minded and enroll them in Summer classes, including activities that are new to them, to
broaden their horizons and increase their skills. Even if they don't enjoy themselves, at least
they will have acquired new skills. Helping them to discover new talents that they are good at,
will boost their Self-Esteem at an early age. What better way to increase their enthusiasm to
learn and develop more!
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Building Self-Esteem In The Eyes Of A Kid
Our children are our country's future. Without proper training, they will not learn the skills
passed down from the older generation, and they will not learn to advance which is what we
expect of our children. It is important that parents, teaching staff and our friends all help in
building Self-Esteem in a child.
Parents should begin at home by showering affection by rewarding good deeds and also
acknowledging them, whilst untoward behavior must be met in a subtle, but effective manner.
Self-Esteem isn't just about giving words of encouragement. You should also teach your child
to become independent - parents can do this by allowing their child to learn a new hobby, sport
or musical instrument.
When a child is old enough, they may want to take on a paper round, or carry out chores like
mowing the lawn for extra pocket money, which teaches them what it is to work hard, rather
than it being carried out by you or another member of the family. It also gives them satisfaction
if they are helping family out.
Parents must always keep an open mind when communicating with their child. School can
encourage untoward behavior, as they mix with other children and they may give in to peer
pressure. Your child may think that something is cool when it is actually a silly prank, so legal
guardians have to remain vigilant at all times.
In school, teachers serve as your child's legal guardians. Grades are just one way of measuring
how well a child is progressing or not; look out for evaluation exams or disciplinary records that
other institutions may administer. This gives you a fuller picture and a better understanding of
how well a child is developing.
If your child is getting low grades, or getting into fights, this can be very alarming. A child's low
Self-Esteem could be down to their not digesting what is taught in class or it could be that there
is a problem at home. This matter, would involve calling in the parents and principal, and
sometimes even a Child Psychologist.
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Children make lots of new friends in school. Some may even become lasting friendships that
last a lifetime. Building Self-Esteem in a child also involves making sure that they hang out in
the right crowd. Being with people who share the same values as well as being different, all
help to make someone into a law abiding citizen.
Parents are usually to blame if they don't encourage Self-Esteem in their child, and seemingly
become a part of the 'Yob Culture' of today's society. Numerous teens that have been arrested
as part of a group involved in shooting sprees around the country, have been tried as adults
once a case has been brought to court.
Self-Esteem is not something that is inherited at birth. It is developed at those crucial early
years by words of encouragement and actions. Is there such a thing as too much praise?
Some people agree that there is as failures can also teach a person to learn more and become
a stronger person than they were to start with.
Is it ever too late for anyone to build up their Self-Esteem? The answer is no, as we continue to
learn whilst we are still alive, so one can always evolve into a better person!
There are many resources about Self-Esteem - books, tapes and DVD's. There are also
professionals in counseling. These, together, with shared experiences from family and friends,
can all help to shape your child, so that they become a productive member of society. They
may even be a role model for others! What a proud moment for any parent or guardian!
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Building Self Esteem In Children
For any child to succeed in life, you must build up their Self-Esteem. Once they have this, later
on as they grow up, they should be able to succeed in achieving some of their ambitions which
they have dreamt about; this can happen with encouragement of the parents and teachers
which all plays a part in 'shaping your child'.
The moment commences right at the birth of a child. Parents smile at the first glimpse of their
child, the moment they utter their first words, the moment they can stand and take their first few
steps, unaided - throughout every stepping stone in their life.
Parents may not even realize that at this stage, a child is able to accept acknowledgement
through spoken words and any signs of affection. An effective way of building up their child's
Self-Esteem is by regularly giving the child lots of praise.
Some experts believe that if parents do this too often it can have consequences. This can be for
two reasons:
Firstly, if a child does something to be proud of the praise they receive will be what they come to
expect. Besides the parents, the child will come across millions of people in their lifetime, and
they soon realize that words of praise are not as forthcoming as they had come to expect. They
will not be rewarded for everything good deed.
Secondly, a young child does not always do things correctly. Sometimes they are badly
behaved and unless a parent does something about this, a child will not learn the difference
between what is right and what is wrong.
Another part of building up Self-Esteem includes knowing when to give constructive criticism.
This is by explaining to a child when they have done something correctly and also when they
have done something in the wrong manner. There are always many ways of approaching a
situation and sometimes when you review what you have done, you realize that you could've
handled it differently. The parent must also be able to achieve a balance in criticizing a child, as
too much can dent their confidence, as time and time again they are corrected on their behavior
and they will feel personally attacked.
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Parents do this not only to turn the child into somebody they can be proud of such as God when
he decided to create a man, but simply so that their child becomes a person that is an active
member of today's society and live as a law abiding citizen or by any given rules.
Thirdly, another way of building Self-Esteem in your children is by the parents setting a good
example. The actions being displayed by the mum or dad play a major role in the how their child
develops. Those that swear, will often be surprised when one day the child comes out and does
the same. Parents are the first role models that a child will come across.
Although by watching film and television, this can also play a part in what a child picks up,
parents are generally there 24 hours a day, 7 days a week, which is much longer than what an
hour or two of a programme can do to influence a child.
Parents are the ones that must set an example for their child to follow. Even if either mum or
dad as a child, did not have much self worth or pride their children should not have to go
through the same experience. These people learn from their mistakes made before and try their
very best to prevent this happening to what will be the future generation.
It is never easy to bring out the best in a child. There are always trials ahead, and those who
succeed can be proud of seeing their son or daughter graduate from high school or college, and
instill these same qualities in their own children.
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Building Self Esteem Among Teens
Every parent, ideally, would like their child to develop enough Self-Esteem so that they can
succeed in life. This all starts the moment a child emerges from birth, and continues as the
child ventures out into the world, as they mature into adulthood.
Studies show that there are two ways in Self-Esteem is defined by adults. This is how adults
can perceive oneself, to others. Teens, on the other hand, feel that if they are to fit in with the
rest of their peers, they have to act cool and join in with others.
Is there a reason for this difference? This could be due to the age gap as adults have had time
to experience more and can distinguish between important matters against trivial ones.
Teenagers are still in the learning Process and finding their feet.
So, what changes should adults make in order to continue to build up Self-Esteem in a
teenager? Teens are in the age of discovery, so the best thing an adult can do is to be open to
answering any questions on particular subjects, and support each individual in the choices that
they make.
For example, if a teenager wants to try out for the football team, parents hope for the best for
them that things will work out fine. Others, will want to look out for their child and try to avoid
them hurting themselves in any kind of sport.
Parents also discipline a teenager for any wrong behavior which is another part of building SelfEsteem. They should explain why they have done something wrong which is better than yelling,
to enable the individual to understand what is unacceptable behavior, in the hope that they will
not make the same mistake again.
Another way of to build Self-Esteem, is that parents should know when to comfort their child
when things don't quite work out. If parents decide that they have to go their separate ways, a
teenager will feel devastated if a couple breaks up, as it is their first love which comes from both
parents. All parents can do is say that everything will work itself out in the end, and maybe,
someone better will come along in the future.
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Self-Esteem does not come from just the parents; it also comes from teachers your child meets
when they start school and those that are considered friends by the teenager. Other adults then
hold the responsibility of 'molding their child' into respectable adults.
Friends are very much like parents, in being able to offer comfort if their son or daughter feels
they are too ashamed to open up to them about certain issues in life.
By building Self-Esteem, this helps the teenager to evolve. A person can change if they feel
the need, or they can stay where they are if they happy - their 'comfort zone'. Life doesn't
always turn out as one would expect, so this is gives the perfect chance to start afresh, as
though giving oneself a new lease of life.
An individual eventually learns that Self-Esteem is innate, once they have discovered their
strengths and weaknesses. They can adapt by focusing on what they are good at, and learn to
acquire new 'tricks' to improve on those weak points as they come across them.
It is true to say, that when all else fails and the teenager feels like they have a heavy load on
their shoulder, it is the parents that they can turn to. This is the biggest responsibility of being a
parent, and once their son or daughter grows up and ,maybe, decides that is time to have their
own children, the guardians can take a break.
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Help Build Your Partners Self Esteem
As life partners, couples are responsible for each other, in taking care of each other's needs.
This is even more so when dealing with psychological matters. It is very important for a person
to strive to help their partner to improve on their Self-Esteem at this difficult time.
This is the opportune moment of expressing your love for your partner and to show that you
care, by helping him or her to improve on their Self-Esteem. By boosting their Self-Esteem, you
improve your chances of a longer, more stable relationship, which is what most couples hope
for in a long term commitment. Relationships can continue to be successful if both partners are
akin to one another, whether it be on an emotional or psychological level. Maturity is an
indication when you have a healthy Self-Image and Self-esteem. The following are ways to help
your partner improve on their Self-Esteem:
Acknowledge that no one person is 'perfect'
Always bear in mind know that no one person is perfect, so you shouldn't expect that of your
partner or yourself for that matter. Believe, instead, that there is the capacity for everyone to
change if they want to. So, whatever, the current state your partner is in, know that this
situation can just as easily change given time and effort.
Be accepting of your partner for who they are as a person, an important point to keep in mind.
We are all individuals. You should never say to your partner that you wish that they were
someone else, as this may have a lasting, damaging effect which can take a long time to heal,
and a lot of effort to repair. If you really love your partner, accepting who he or she is really
counts, along with their flaws and shortfalls.
Do not hold back on giving praise and compliments
If your partner has accomplished something that is worthy of praise, then feel free to praise or
compliment them for their efforts. This is most effective, if you give your partner at least one
compliment a day. Compliments, no matter how small, mean a lot. As an example, when your
partner is getting ready for work, let them know in words how wonderful they look in their office
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suit; or if they are wearing a new after-shave, or perfume, tell them how good they smell. That
should give them a smile that will last all day!
Giving your compliments not only works wonders for improving your partner's Self-Esteem; it
can also bring more magic into your relationship. Always avoid giving harsh criticisms.
By paying compliments you shouldn't feel that you have to lie, but you should also be careful not
to be brutally frank. If you don't like what they are wearing it is better to say instead, that you
preferred what they wore last week, than to say that they look awful.
Keep your ears open at all times - listen to your partner
One of the key secrets to a lasting relationship is good communication on a daily basis. It is
equally important to listen to each other, as it is to talk to one another. Be your partner's most
captive audience. Whenever he or she is saying something, always give them your full
attention. Knowing that you are listening attentively, is a huge confidence booster for anyone,
so increasing his or her Self-esteem.
By following the guidelines above, you can help your boost your partner's Self-Esteem and
Confidence. Once your partner's Self-Esteem has reached an acceptable level, you will notice
that your relationship has also improved along with it. So it is truly worth taking all the time
necessary to do these things - right now!
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Developing Self Esteem
As children are growing up, parents find that one thing they are mainly concerned about is
addressing the development of their child's Self-Esteem. We use Self-Esteem to judge how
much we respect ourselves and more importantly, to love ourselves just the way we are.
We can develop Self-Esteem at any time in our life, but in order to build up a good foundation it
is better to start in the formative years as we are growing and developing.
In psychology scientists and other experts believe that how much Self-Esteem we have
depends on luck itself. Some babies are naturally born with a lot of Self-Esteem and others
need to develop it further. They also believe that parents are born with a high Self-Esteem then
the likelihood of producing babies with a high Self-Esteem is better.
It is not a proven fact whether genes or how we inherit our personality contribute to this factor;
although some evidence shows that there could be a genetic link.
What we are born with does not predict what you are going to be like for the rest of your life, so
it doesn't matter if you are born with low Self-Esteem. It can be developed at any age, so
starting young gives you a good foundation to build on. Whatever we experience in life can
change the levels of our Self-Esteem - that is to say that it can fluctuate.
There are many factors which can affect the way we develop our Self-Esteem, so this could in
effect bring about low Self-Esteem. To a child growing up, how they are treated by the parents
can have a bearing on how they think they should treat themselves, as well as their perception
on how they allow others to treat them.
Group social interaction in our lives can affect the way we think - the difficulties that we face can
sometimes be traumatic, leading to low Self-Esteem, and at the opposite end of the scale our
happier times can increase these levels.
How we choose our friends can be a factor that will determine how much Self-Esteem we have.
Those that boost your confidence and are influential can do much to help us develop, whilst
those who continually undervalue us with putdowns can leave us feeling at a low ebb.
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Being surrounded by people who continually praise us and point out our abilities and other gifts,
increase our self confidence, because they show that they believe in us. Placing that trust and
planting these thoughts in our minds about how good we are at doing things, help us to work
better. This cycle of positiveness will give us high levels of Self-Esteem.
The activities that we choose to do can also be a factor in how we build up our Self-Esteem. If
you enroll on a course at College and you find that you are stuck with something you don't
enjoy, this can lower your Self-Esteem, whereas a course that you really enjoy would do the
opposite by making you feel more positive.
Taking part in things that you enjoy and love can build up your Self-Esteem so much that you
feel a lot of enthusiasm and can give your best. As a result, you can succeed in achieving and
accomplishing something that you can be proud of - increasing your Self-Esteem!
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Self Esteem Determines Who We Are
Self-esteem plays a great part in how well we do in our lives, which isn't that obvious to us, so it
can determine how successful we become. Our views of ourselves, what we think of our
abilities and innate talents, affect our thought patterns. These thoughts are then turned into
actions.
The actions we take in life are very important, as we use them to realize our dreams. If we do
not reach the goals we set for ourselves, or fulfill our dreams, it could be that we are not taking
the right steps towards reaching our potential, or that you are actually doing something wrong.
Most people do not realize that there is a link between our thoughts and actions. When you
have positive thoughts, your actions are very positive, and at the opposite end of the scale, if
you have negative thoughts then you are likely to project that into negative actions and may
become inactive.
We all have dreams and ambitions and to fulfill those does take time. What gives you the drive
and determination to succeed is high Self-Esteem. This can give you that extra push and
willpower to reach your goals. Low Self-Esteem can, as a consequence, be a stumbling block
to reaching your potential, as the difficulty you face is being able to carry out the actions
necessary to help you reach your goals.
Basically, Self-Esteem is about how a person views themselves and their abilities. Feeling
positive about oneself will give us high Self-Esteem; having a low opinion about oneself will in
effect give us lower Self-Esteem.
We lower our Self-Esteem by personal criticism, which is the worst kind as this can be soul
destroying. You should not tell yourself, "I cannot", or "that is just so impossible" as criticizing
yourself leads to self doubt. It is better to use positive words and thoughts that instill confidence
in yourself, then you can achieve anything you set your heart on. Believe in who you are!
So, what should you do to build up your Self-Esteem? Your thought patterns plant the root
feelings which we then act upon, so it is important that you try to keep positive thoughts which
you find beneficial. It is best to focus your attentions on your successes and your
achievements, rather than your failures and losses. We all mistakes, but it is best not to dwell
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on them. By looking at your past and remembering what you've achieved isn't part of vanity, it's
acknowledging and recognizing your abilities.
We have all accomplished something in life and by sitting down and making a list of all those
achievements, it allows you to look back and remember those great moments. You can relive
the hurdles and obstacles that you overcame to meet the challenges you faced; it is quite a
surprise when you see that you have already achieved so much in life. At times when you have
the greatest feelings of self doubt, this list is something you can refer to remember those
wonderful achievements. As you succeed in doing more things, you can add them to your list.
You should always remember that Self-Esteem and success in life are correlated, so work at
improving the quality of your thoughts for future success.
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Your Self Esteem In Clothing
With the teenager crowd becoming more and more obsessed with what they wear, the majority
of their self-esteem comes from their fashion sense. Companies have figured out that if they
can jump on this new trend, the money would begin to filter its way into the hands of the
corporate leaders. This is part of the reason why Self-Esteem Clothing was created, as they
began to provide t-shirts and other such accessories. A few of their earlier shirts had different
sayings or one liners on them that made them offensive, thus they had to be recalled.
This company did, in fact, start providing something that brought many more curious eyes on
their products. They began a website that allowed the people who logged on to communicate
with others on the site. By doing this, they also jumped onto the Network Site craze, drawing
more youth. They even promote essay contests for those who log onto the site. A prize is then
given to the one that is chosen.
By walking through your local mall, you can see the affects of clothing on people. In fact, this is
not only the case with many teenagers, it is the same with full grown adults as well. Clothing
reflects the self-esteem one has for themselves, revealing their level of confidence in their
identity. This is why Self Esteem Clothing is such a catchy name.
Since women are the obvious focus of the American culture in way of looks and physical
appearance, Self Esteem Clothing is specifically designed for women. This focus on the
physical appearance is one of the major reasons that women, by a large margin, hold the most
confidence and self-esteem issues across the board.
Since this is the case, the style of clothing that is provided is mainly casual, since the only true
sense of self esteem can come when someone is able to live and breathe, moving around in
their individual body. Confidence, true confidence, is not produced if the confidence disappears
after you take your clothing off.
Feel good about yourself has nothing to do about what you are wearing or what is said about
you, it is all about how you see yourself and what your believe to be true about yourself. Since
this is, in fact, the truth in every case, Casual clothing is one of the best options, as it does not
attempt to cover up anything.
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Due to the overwhelming lack of confidence found in the teenager arena, it is evident that the
younger generations tend to feel more passionately about their appearance than any there age
group. This may be because of their constant interaction with their peers in school, as they deal
with acceptance issues on more than a daily basis. This can be quickly stifled by the constant
bombardment of encouragement and support from their loving, unconditional parents.
However, like with anything, there is always a balance to be discovered. When your child, for
example, goes out and comes back with one of the most bizarre designs for a shirt your eyes
have ever beheld, this is not always due to peer pressure. Learn what is pressure induced or
self image induced. Once distinguished, let them be their own individual.
Now that we have come to the end of this article, you might be asking, "Well, what does all of
this mean?" This is an excellent question and is usually asked by those that have no problem
dealing with life's ins and outs. For those of us that have a history with the lack of self-esteem,
we might be asking the question, "How am I able to gain this confidence in myself?" It all boils
down to trusting that you have been uniquely and individually created, and that you are not
subject to anyone’s accusations or judgments. The truth is, confidence in yourself means
trusting yourself, that is, being able to look in the mirror and say, "Yes! This is good enough for
me!"
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Building Self Esteem
Ah, your child's first day at kindergarten! As you expected, your child runs to a corner out of
fear and intimidation from the large crowd. This image only brings you back to the memories of
your shying away from the first crowds you were expected to mingle with. Like your parents, it
is always a good idea to try to motivate interaction on part of your child. This is part of the
parent's initiative roles in any little ones' life.
However, sometimes it doesn’t take a hard push toward the crowd to scare the shyness out of
your child's eyes. Actually, this might only increase it more, as they are embarrassed even
more from your loud and public attempts to help.
Parenting is not a science, and there are no 100% accurate manuals available on how to
produce active, unafraid children. The only thing that anyone can do is to teach their children as
best as they can to never shy away from a challenge. This is not something that most adults
get, so being able to teach a child this might just pave a wide, productive road for him or her.
It is not completely uncommon to see older teens and / or adults living with their parents, while
their parents are still protecting them from the many dangers that lie outside of their arm's
length. This is something that needs to be broken in every child's life, as it will take a breaking
away from a parent's embrace to teach them how to live out in the real world on their own. Only
their self esteem can hold them up, and this is a historic promise.
For those of us that are in need of guidance in way of instilling self esteem in our children, the
following are some very helpful hints:
A. Comfort Zone: make it comforting to step outside of their comfort zone
Life is not a set structure with unbreakable rules and consequences. Our children do not need a
set guideline mentality when they grow up; they need the ability to think for themselves and to
take risks. By setting guidelines for them when they are younger and, when something happens
to disrupts this order, allow them to think for themselves and solve to problem at hand, you just
might teach them how to live life more effectively.
How To Boost Your Self Esteem
© Wings Of Success Page 47 of 47
B. Understand that the ever stretching protection of the parent's arm has limits
This might be the greatest thing a parent can do for their children, though it may also be the
most painful. By allowing your offspring to make mistakes and to live through the
consequences, they might gain that extra edge to them that they would not if they remained
under the diligent protection of their parents. If a man or woman is able to live through their
experience and learn from their mistakes due to your refusal to intervene, they might also learn
that it is better to learn from another's experience and come asking more questions.
C. Let the poor thing alone!
Like you and your passions and desires, your child born with a unique identity and an individual
personality. This is where most parents sink, as some consider their dreams to be fulfilled
through the lives of their offspring. Rather than allowing them to live their own lives and to see
their dreams to completion, some parents smother the passions of their children and cause
them to live bitter and pointless lives.
These are just a few simple hints as to how to see your child's self esteem grow it its full
potential. As with anything, it all depends of the guardian's encouragement and ability to listen
and release their offspring into their new world that will greatly depend on their success. It is
through encouragement that the majority of this work can be done, and one word of
encouragement can cause the most untalented individual to take over the world.
How To Boost Your Self Esteem
© Wings Of Success Page 48 of 48
Developing Self Esteem In Our Children
The world is slowly becoming a different place than we remember. Growing up used to be fun
with all sorts of secure benefits given to us through our parents, the municipality’s handling of
the local parks and the quite summer nights. This is no longer the only reality that exists, as the
media and peer pressure seems to have skyrocketed in the past ten years. Self-Esteem is truly
the only line of defense any child has as they make their way into a broad, new world, and we
are the ones that can learn this from.
While our children are young, they seem to always mimic our every move. This is seen as cute
and actually builds our self-esteem, however there is a certain age when a child needs to stop
mimicking and begin living their own, individual life. We need to usher them into this, so they
may never be left behind.
Of course, our goal as parents is to have our children grow to be mature individuals. This is the
goal for anyone who has cared for somebody else! However, our natural instincts tell us that we
need to hover over indeed, to completely protect our offspring in order to provide and caring
shelter so they will not get hurt. These are the children that over overprotective parents,
causing a real issue in the child's perception of how life is lived, inhibiting their mental abilities
needed for them to think for themselves.
So we need to find a balance between raising our children in order for them to live as
individuals, yet protecting them through our love for them. By showing them how to live through
displaying our own self-esteem can cause an incredible impact on their outlook on life.
Allow the kid to flourish and grow at his own pace and time. The biggest mistake you can do this
may sound like a great strategy, however, in order for us to do this, we need to treat our children
as if they already are individuals, not our property to protect. This is what causes them to begin
to realize how life is lived through our examples and observing those who are older. The only
way they can observe us is if they have a little distance in order to receive the full picture.
Keeping them close, though it does protect them, does not train them as they need to be able to
perceive the broader picture.
How To Boost Your Self Esteem
© Wings Of Success Page 49 of 49
This is the case with all of life! Yes, nothing is worth living unless it is birthed through pain and
trail. As parents, it might be more difficult for us to allow painful situations or disappointments to
settle on a child than it is for the child to actually live through these moments. Even so, the
parent should rarely step in and prevent these painful experiences, as it is through these
experiences that they will grow and mature into the unique individual you desire them to be.
This will only train them to believe that they can handle difficulty situations on their own, and that
they can do it confidently. This is one of the major benefits of having a high self-esteem: that
you are able to move through each day and take on the day's challenges as if no other day has
existed. The reason this is important is due to their ability to take on the pain and the trail, and
move forward after defeating the issue without looking back. What an incredible ability!
As this article has tried to show that the parental roles in children's lives are critical to their
future's stability, the importance is equally laid on the parents of never giving into their
premature demands. To produce a child that is overly dependant on your every move is
producing a child worthless to society. To produce a free thinker is to create an array of
possibilities for the mature adult. This is how life needs to be lived.
How To Boost Your Self Esteem
© Wings Of Success Page 50 of 50
How To Boost Your Self Esteem
© Wings Of Success Page 51 of 51
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We decided to use this room, on the second floor and overlooking the plaza, for Dejah Thoris and Sola, and another room adjoining and in the rear for the cooking and supplies. I then dispatched Sola to bring the bedding and such food and utensils as she might need, telling her that I would guard Dejah Thoris until her return.
As Sola departed Dejah Thoris turned to me with a faint smile.
"And whereto, then, would your prisoner escape should you leave her, unless it was to follow you and crave your protection, and ask your pardon for the cruel thoughts she has harbored against you these past few days?"
"You are right," I answered, "there is no escape for either of us unless we go together."
"I heard your challenge to the creature you call Tars Tarkas, and I think I understand your position among these people, but what I cannot fathom is your statement that you are not of Barsoom."
"In the name of my first ancestor, then," she continued, "where may you be from? You are like unto my people, and yet so unlike. You speak my language, and yet I heard you tell Tars Tarkas that you had but learned it recently. All Barsoomians speak the same tongue from the ice-clad south to the ice-clad north, though their written languages differ. Only in the valley Dor, where the river Iss empties into the lost sea of Korus, is there supposed to be a different language spoken, and, except in the legends of our ancestors, there is no record of a Barsoomian returning up the river Iss, from the shores of Korus in the valley of Dor. Do not tell me that you have thus returned! They would kill you horribly anywhere upon the surface of Barsoom if that were true; tell me it is not!"
[lock]
Her eyes were filled with a strange, weird light; her voice was pleading, and her little hands, reached up upon my breast, were pressed against me as though to wring a denial from my very heart.
"I do not know your customs, Dejah Thoris, but in my own Virginia a gentleman does not lie to save himself; I am not of Dor; I have never seen the mysterious Iss; the lost sea of Korus is still lost, so far as I am concerned. Do you believe me?"
[/lock]
And then it struck me suddenly that I was very anxious that she should believe me. It was not that I feared the results which would follow a general belief that I had returned from the Barsoomian heaven or hell, or whatever it was. Why was it, then! Why should I care what she thought? I looked down at her; her beautiful face upturned, and her wonderful eyes opening up the very depth of her soul; and as my eyes met hers I knew why, and—I shuddered.
A similar wave of feeling seemed to stir her; she drew away from me with a sigh, and with her earnest, beautiful face turned up to mine, she whispered: "I believe you, John Carter; I do not know what a 'gentleman' is, nor have I ever heard before of Virginia; but on Barsoom no man lies; if he does not wish to speak the truth he is silent. Where is this Virginia, your country, John Carter?" she asked, and it seemed that this fair name of my fair land had never sounded more beautiful than as it fell from those perfect lips on that far-gone day.
"'Tis my Mary, my Mary herself! She promised that my boy, every morning, should be carried to the hill to catch the first glimpse of his father's sail! Yes, yes! no more! it is done! we head for Nantucket! Come, my Captain, study out the course, and let us away! See, see! the boy's face from the window! the boy's hand on the hill!"
But Ahab's glance was averted; like a blighted fruit tree he shook, and cast his last, cindered apple to the soil.
"What is it, what nameless, inscrutable, unearthly thing is it; what cozening, hidden lord and master, and cruel, remorseless emperor commands me; that against all natural lovings and longings, I so keep pushing, and crowding, and jamming myself on all the time; recklessly making me ready to do what in my own proper, natural heart, I durst not so much as dare? Is Ahab, Ahab? Is it I, God, or who, that lifts this arm? But if the great sun move not of himself; but is as an errand-boy in heaven; nor one single star can revolve, but by some invisible power; how then can this one small heart beat; this one small brain think thoughts; unless God does that beating, does that thinking, does that living, and not I. By heaven, man, we are turned round and round in this world, like yonder windlass, and Fate is the handspike. And all the time, lo! that smiling sky, and this unsounded sea! Look! see yon Albicore! who put it into him to chase and fang that flying-fish? Where do murderers go, man! Who's to doom, when the judge himself is dragged to the bar? But it is a mild, mild wind, and a mild looking sky; and the air smells now, as if it blew from a far-away meadow; they have been making hay somewhere under the slopes of the Andes, Starbuck, and the mowers are sleeping among the new-mown hay. Sleeping? Aye, toil we how we may, we all sleep at last on the field. Sleep? Aye, and rust amid greenness; as last year's scythes flung down, and left in the half-cut swaths—Starbuck!"
But blanched to a corpse's hue with despair, the Mate had stolen away.
Ahab crossed the deck to gaze over on the other side; but started at two reflected, fixed eyes in the water there. Fedallah was motionlessly leaning over the same rail.
That night, in the mid-watch, when the old man—as his wont at intervals—stepped forth from the scuttle in which he leaned, and went to his pivot-hole, he suddenly thrust out his face fiercely, snuffing up the sea air as a sagacious ship's dog will, in drawing nigh to some barbarous isle. He declared that a whale must be near. Soon that peculiar odor, sometimes to a great distance given forth by the living sperm whale, was palpable to all the watch; nor was any mariner surprised when, after inspecting the compass, and then the dog-vane, and then ascertaining the precise bearing of the odor as nearly as possible, Ahab rapidly ordered the ship's course to be slightly altered, and the sail to be shortened.
As Sola departed Dejah Thoris turned to me with a faint smile.
"And whereto, then, would your prisoner escape should you leave her, unless it was to follow you and crave your protection, and ask your pardon for the cruel thoughts she has harbored against you these past few days?"
"You are right," I answered, "there is no escape for either of us unless we go together."
"I heard your challenge to the creature you call Tars Tarkas, and I think I understand your position among these people, but what I cannot fathom is your statement that you are not of Barsoom."
"In the name of my first ancestor, then," she continued, "where may you be from? You are like unto my people, and yet so unlike. You speak my language, and yet I heard you tell Tars Tarkas that you had but learned it recently. All Barsoomians speak the same tongue from the ice-clad south to the ice-clad north, though their written languages differ. Only in the valley Dor, where the river Iss empties into the lost sea of Korus, is there supposed to be a different language spoken, and, except in the legends of our ancestors, there is no record of a Barsoomian returning up the river Iss, from the shores of Korus in the valley of Dor. Do not tell me that you have thus returned! They would kill you horribly anywhere upon the surface of Barsoom if that were true; tell me it is not!"
[lock]
Her eyes were filled with a strange, weird light; her voice was pleading, and her little hands, reached up upon my breast, were pressed against me as though to wring a denial from my very heart.
"I do not know your customs, Dejah Thoris, but in my own Virginia a gentleman does not lie to save himself; I am not of Dor; I have never seen the mysterious Iss; the lost sea of Korus is still lost, so far as I am concerned. Do you believe me?"
[/lock]
And then it struck me suddenly that I was very anxious that she should believe me. It was not that I feared the results which would follow a general belief that I had returned from the Barsoomian heaven or hell, or whatever it was. Why was it, then! Why should I care what she thought? I looked down at her; her beautiful face upturned, and her wonderful eyes opening up the very depth of her soul; and as my eyes met hers I knew why, and—I shuddered.
A similar wave of feeling seemed to stir her; she drew away from me with a sigh, and with her earnest, beautiful face turned up to mine, she whispered: "I believe you, John Carter; I do not know what a 'gentleman' is, nor have I ever heard before of Virginia; but on Barsoom no man lies; if he does not wish to speak the truth he is silent. Where is this Virginia, your country, John Carter?" she asked, and it seemed that this fair name of my fair land had never sounded more beautiful than as it fell from those perfect lips on that far-gone day.
"'Tis my Mary, my Mary herself! She promised that my boy, every morning, should be carried to the hill to catch the first glimpse of his father's sail! Yes, yes! no more! it is done! we head for Nantucket! Come, my Captain, study out the course, and let us away! See, see! the boy's face from the window! the boy's hand on the hill!"
But Ahab's glance was averted; like a blighted fruit tree he shook, and cast his last, cindered apple to the soil.
"What is it, what nameless, inscrutable, unearthly thing is it; what cozening, hidden lord and master, and cruel, remorseless emperor commands me; that against all natural lovings and longings, I so keep pushing, and crowding, and jamming myself on all the time; recklessly making me ready to do what in my own proper, natural heart, I durst not so much as dare? Is Ahab, Ahab? Is it I, God, or who, that lifts this arm? But if the great sun move not of himself; but is as an errand-boy in heaven; nor one single star can revolve, but by some invisible power; how then can this one small heart beat; this one small brain think thoughts; unless God does that beating, does that thinking, does that living, and not I. By heaven, man, we are turned round and round in this world, like yonder windlass, and Fate is the handspike. And all the time, lo! that smiling sky, and this unsounded sea! Look! see yon Albicore! who put it into him to chase and fang that flying-fish? Where do murderers go, man! Who's to doom, when the judge himself is dragged to the bar? But it is a mild, mild wind, and a mild looking sky; and the air smells now, as if it blew from a far-away meadow; they have been making hay somewhere under the slopes of the Andes, Starbuck, and the mowers are sleeping among the new-mown hay. Sleeping? Aye, toil we how we may, we all sleep at last on the field. Sleep? Aye, and rust amid greenness; as last year's scythes flung down, and left in the half-cut swaths—Starbuck!"
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But blanched to a corpse's hue with despair, the Mate had stolen away.
Ahab crossed the deck to gaze over on the other side; but started at two reflected, fixed eyes in the water there. Fedallah was motionlessly leaning over the same rail.
That night, in the mid-watch, when the old man—as his wont at intervals—stepped forth from the scuttle in which he leaned, and went to his pivot-hole, he suddenly thrust out his face fiercely, snuffing up the sea air as a sagacious ship's dog will, in drawing nigh to some barbarous isle. He declared that a whale must be near. Soon that peculiar odor, sometimes to a great distance given forth by the living sperm whale, was palpable to all the watch; nor was any mariner surprised when, after inspecting the compass, and then the dog-vane, and then ascertaining the precise bearing of the odor as nearly as possible, Ahab rapidly ordered the ship's course to be slightly altered, and the sail to be shortened.
Chapter 1
The rest of his body was so streaked, and spotted, and marbled with the same shrouded hue, that, in the end, he had gained his distinctive appellation of the White Whale; a name, indeed, literally justified by his vivid aspect, when seen gliding at high noon through a dark blue sea, leaving a milky-way wake of creamy foam, all spangled with golden gleamings.Nor was it his unwonted magnitude, nor his remarkable hue, nor yet his deformed lower jaw, that so much invested the whale with natural terror, as that unexampled, intelligent malignity which, according to specific accounts, he had over and over again evinced in his assaults. More than all, his treacherous retreats struck more of dismay than perhaps aught else. For, when swimming before his exulting pursuers, with every apparent symptom of alarm, he had several times been known to turn round suddenly, and, bearing down upon them, either stave their boats to splinters, or drive them back in consternation to their ship.
Already several fatalities had attended his chase. But though similar disasters, however little bruited ashore, were by no means unusual in the fishery; yet, in most instances, such seemed the White Whale's infernal aforethought of ferocity, that every dismembering or death that he caused, was not wholly regarded as having been inflicted by an unintelligent agent.
Judge, then, to what pitches of inflamed, distracted fury the minds of his more desperate hunters were impelled, when amid the chips of chewed boats, and the sinking limbs of torn comrades, they swam out of the white curds of the whale's direful wrath into the serene, exasperating sunlight, that smiled on, as if at a birth or a bridal.
[next]
Chapter 2
His three boats stove around him, and oars and men both whirling in the eddies; one captain, seizing the line-knife from his broken prow, had dashed at the whale, as an Arkansas duellist at his foe, blindly seeking with a six inch blade to reach the fathom-deep life of the whale. That captain was Ahab. And then it was, that suddenly sweeping his sickle-shaped lower jaw beneath him, Moby Dick had reaped away Ahab's leg, as a mower a blade of grass in the field. No turbaned Turk, no hired Venetian or Malay, could have smote him with more seeming malice. Small reason was there to doubt, then, that ever since that almost fatal encounter, Ahab had cherished a wild vindictiveness against the whale, all the more fell for that in his frantic morbidness he at last came to identify with him, not only all his bodily woes, but all his intellectual and spiritual exasperations. The White Whale swam before him as the monomaniac incarnation of all those malicious agencies which some deep men feel eating in them, till they are left living on with half a heart and half a lung. That intangible malignity which has been from the beginning; to whose dominion even the modern Christians ascribe one-half of the worlds; which the ancient Ophites of the east reverenced in their statue devil;—Ahab did not fall down and worship it like them; but deliriously transferring its idea to the abhorred white whale, he pitted himself, all mutilated, against it. All that most maddens and torments; all that stirs up the lees of things; all truth with malice in it; all that cracks the sinews and cakes the brain; all the subtle demonisms of life and thought; all evil, to crazy Ahab, were visibly personified, and made practically assailable in Moby Dick. He piled upon the whale's white hump the sum of all the general rage and hate felt by his whole race from Adam down; and then, as if his chest had been a mortar, he burst his hot heart's shell upon it.It is not probable that this monomania in him took its instant rise at the precise time of his bodily dismemberment. Then, in darting at the monster, knife in hand, he had but given loose to a sudden, passionate, corporal animosity; and when he received the stroke that tore him, he probably but felt the agonizing bodily laceration, but nothing more. Yet, when by this collision forced to turn towards home, and for long months of days and weeks, Ahab and anguish lay stretched together in one hammock, rounding in mid winter that dreary, howling Patagonian Cape; then it was, that his torn body and gashed soul bled into one another; and so interfusing, made him mad. That it was only then, on the homeward voyage, after the encounter, that the final monomania seized him, seems all but certain from the fact that, at intervals during the passage, he was a raving lunatic; and, though unlimbed of a leg, yet such vital strength yet lurked in his Egyptian chest, and was moreover intensified by his delirium, that his mates were forced to lace him fast, even there, as he sailed, raving in his hammock. In a strait-jacket, he swung to the mad rockings of the gales. And, when running into more sufferable latitudes, the ship, with mild stun'sails spread, floated across the tranquil tropics, and, to all appearances, the old man's delirium seemed left behind him with the Cape Horn swells, and he came forth from his dark den into the blessed light and air; even then, when he bore that firm, collected front, however pale, and issued his calm orders once again; and his mates thanked God the direful madness was now gone; even then, Ahab, in his hidden self, raved on. Human madness is oftentimes a cunning and most feline thing. When you think it fled, it may have but become transfigured into some still subtler form. Ahab's full lunacy subsided not, but deepeningly contracted; like the unabated Hudson, when that noble Northman flows narrowly, but unfathomably through the Highland gorge. But, as in his narrow-flowing monomania, not one jot of Ahab's broad madness had been left behind; so in that broad madness, not one jot of his great natural intellect had perished. That before living agent, now became the living instrument. If such a furious trope may stand, his special lunacy stormed his general sanity, and carried it, and turned all its concentred cannon upon its own mad mark; so that far from having lost his strength, Ahab, to that one end, did now possess a thousand fold more potency than ever he had sanely brought to bear upon any one reasonable object.
[next]
Chapter 3
At the period of our arrival at the Island, the heaviest storage of the Pequod had been almost completed; comprising her beef, bread, water, fuel, and iron hoops and staves. But, as before hinted, for some time there was a continual fetching and carrying on board of divers odds and ends of things, both large and small.Chief among those who did this fetching and carrying was Captain Bildad's sister, a lean old lady of a most determined and indefatigable spirit, but withal very kindhearted, who seemed resolved that, if SHE could help it, nothing should be found wanting in the Pequod, after once fairly getting to sea. At one time she would come on board with a jar of pickles for the steward's pantry; another time with a bunch of quills for the chief mate's desk, where he kept his log; a third time with a roll of flannel for the small of some one's rheumatic back. Never did any woman better deserve her name, which was Charity—Aunt Charity, as everybody called her. And like a sister of charity did this charitable Aunt Charity bustle about hither and thither, ready to turn her hand and heart to anything that promised to yield safety, comfort, and consolation to all on board a ship in which her beloved brother Bildad was concerned, and in which she herself owned a score or two of well-saved dollars.
But it was startling to see this excellent hearted Quakeress coming on board, as she did the last day, with a long oil-ladle in one hand, and a still longer whaling lance in the other. Nor was Bildad himself nor Captain Peleg at all backward. As for Bildad, he carried about with him a long list of the articles needed, and at every fresh arrival, down went his mark opposite that article upon the paper. Every once in a while Peleg came hobbling out of his whalebone den, roaring at the men down the hatchways, roaring up to the riggers at the mast-head, and then concluded by roaring back into his wigwam.
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Chapter 4
In a few minutes there was, so far as the soldier could see, not a living thing left upon the common, and every bush and tree upon it that was not already a blackened skeleton was burning. The hussars had been on the road beyond the curvature of the ground, and he saw nothing of them. He heard the Martians rattle for a time and then become still. The giant saved Woking station and its cluster of houses until the last; then in a moment the Heat-Ray was brought to bear, and the town became a heap of fiery ruins. Then the Thing shut off the Heat-Ray, and turning its back upon the artilleryman, began to waddle away towards the smouldering pine woods that sheltered the second cylinder. As it did so a second glittering Titan built itself up out of the pit.The second monster followed the first, and at that the artilleryman began to crawl very cautiously across the hot heather ash towards Horsell. He managed to get alive into the ditch by the side of the road, and so escaped to Woking. There his story became ejaculatory. The place was impassable. It seems there were a few people alive there, frantic for the most part and many burned and scalded. He was turned aside by the fire, and hid among some almost scorching heaps of broken wall as one of the Martian giants returned. He saw this one pursue a man, catch him up in one of its steely tentacles, and knock his head against the trunk of a pine tree. At last, after nightfall, the artilleryman made a rush for it and got over the railway embankment.
Since then he had been skulking along towards Maybury, in the hope of getting out of danger Londonward. People were hiding in trenches and cellars, and many of the survivors had made off towards Woking village and Send. He had been consumed with thirst until he found one of the water mains near the railway arch smashed, and the water bubbling out like a spring upon the road.
That was the story I got from him, bit by bit. He grew calmer telling me and trying to make me see the things he had seen. He had eaten no food since midday, he told me early in his narrative, and I found some mutton and bread in the pantry and brought it into the room. We lit no lamp for fear of attracting the Martians, and ever and again our hands would touch upon bread or meat. As he talked, things about us came darkly out of the darkness, and the trampled bushes and broken rose trees outside the window grew distinct. It would seem that a number of men or animals had rushed across the lawn. I began to see his face, blackened and haggard, as no doubt mine was also.
[next]
Chapter 5
When we had finished eating we went softly upstairs to my study, and I looked again out of the open window. In one night the valley had become a valley of ashes. The fires had dwindled now. Where flames had been there were now streamers of smoke; but the countless ruins of shattered and gutted houses and blasted and blackened trees that the night had hidden stood out now gaunt and terrible in the pitiless light of dawn. Yet here and there some object had had the luck to escape--a white railway signal here, the end of a greenhouse there, white and fresh amid the wreckage. Never before in the history of warfare had destruction been so indiscriminate and so universal. And shining with the growing light of the east, three of the metallic giants stood about the pit, their cowls rotating as though they were surveying the desolation they had made.It seemed to me that the pit had been enlarged, and ever and again puffs of vivid green vapour streamed up and out of it towards the brightening dawn--streamed up, whirled, broke, and vanished.
Beyond were the pillars of fire about Chobham. They became pillars of bloodshot smoke at the first touch of day.
As the dawn grew brighter we withdrew from the window from which we had watched the Martians, and went very quietly downstairs.
The enormous broad tires of the chariots and the padded feet of the animals brought forth no sound from the moss-covered sea bottom; and so we moved in utter silence, like some huge phantasmagoria, except when the stillness was broken by the guttural growling of a goaded zitidar, or the squealing of fighting thoats. The green Martians converse but little, and then usually in monosyllables, low and like the faint rumbling of distant thunder.
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